Although many escorts live the single life due to the complications that their careers provide, others are engaged in relationships with partners. In addition to working around some sensitive issues that are inherent to the escort career lifestyle (intimacies with others, a crazy schedule and the general stigma surrounding the industry), many couples find it challenging to deal with the imbalance created through the irregular yet high earnings being brought in.
Some partners gradually become dependent on their escort lovers to fund the bills, including most (if not all) living expenses and miscellaneous costs. And, in the beginning, escorts usually accept a lifestyle where a partner enjoys a more luxurious existence with them. Moving to a nicer apartment or house, buying newer cars or enjoying more expensive activities can make life a lot more fun for both you and your partner. However, after several months or years of being the sole supporter of your way of life, you may begin to think that your partner is being lazy and overly dependent.
Escorts run into this frequently, especially when a partner was originally judgmental of her career. As a way to appease an unhappy partner, an escort may offer to shoulder more than her fair share of expenses or spoil her partner for awhile. But, when this temporary period becomes permanent, it’s easy for an escort to start resenting the situation.
If you find yourself in such a predicament, you must do something about it. Allowing your partner to sponge off of you is toleration of his disrespect and lack of ambition. Consider these 12 things to do to cut off an overly dependent partner:
- Evaluate the situation fairly and objectively. Take inventory of everything that your partner does to contribute to the household. Does he clean the house? Cook? Do your laundry? Run personal and professional errands for you? Take care of the children? If he performs some of these tasks, he is contributing to your lifestyle in non-financial ways that assist you in day-to-day life…much like a house-husband would do. However, also ask yourself questions about your partner’s spending habits. Does he spend your money like it’s going out of style? Or, is he frugal about extra costs, paying respect to your hard work? If your partner spends as if he doesn’t have to worry about where it comes from, his actions have to stop. You are not bringing in an unending supply of cash, regardless of how he feels. Take note of whether your partner contributes monetarily at all to the household. And, consider his expectations. Does he expect to be rewarded with gifts and tokens of affection regularly? Or, is he pretty low maintenance? Does he enjoy any hobbies and expect you to fund them? If you were unable to provide as much income, would your partner express dissatisfaction or anger?
- Analyze the benefits you receive from having the partner. If, despite the fact that you’re entirely footing the bill, you are happy in your relationship and current living status, you may not have a big problem. Feeling fulfilled, loved and respected are traits of positive relationships. However, if you constantly feel bitter or angry toward your partner, odds are that you don’t feel you are receiving many benefits from having him in your life. Maybe your partner does help by paying some bills, which allows you the freedom to work when you want to, instead of just when you need to. This is a huge advantage of having someone in your life…if he can provide a buffer that helps you during slow months or provides income for those “extras” you would have to see additional clients for. And, finally, some escorts keep unproductive partners in their lives, because they are fearful of blowing their cover with friends and family members. A bitter, jilted partner has been known to “out” an escort more than once, and it’s a common experience to be blackmailed into unhealthy relationships to protect yourself or your family. However, keep in mind that keeping your cover intact may be a benefit, but not at the cost of your personal happiness or self-respect.
- Remind yourself that your partner is not your responsibility. As an escort, you have an obligation to make sure your clients are happy and have a good time while they are with you. Other than that, you are not accountable for them in any other way. Your relationship with your partner is much like your connection with clients. You should give your partner mutual respect, affection and admiration; however, he’s a grown man and shouldn’t need someone to support him. Unless he is disabled in some way by you and you are full of remorse, his life is his own challenge to face, including financially supporting his own needs. Once you recognize this principle, it becomes possible to take back control of your situation and expect a more equal division of efforts.
- Give your partner an ultimatum. Escorts are good at setting boundaries and sticking to them with clients. Exercise this same determination and willpower when challenging your partner to get himself together so that he can fully participate in your lifestyle. Tell your partner that you will pay for your expenses for another month, but insist that he find some significant way to contribute during that 30-day period. Tell him that after that time, his life will change. Provide specifics about things you will not buy, bills you refuse to pay and other expenses that he will take up responsibility for. If he resists and fails to meet your ultimatum, stick to your guns and do not pay for the bills he’s supposed to be funding. Even if it means that your cable is shut off temporarily, do not pay it. Once your partner knows you are serious about your ultimatum, he will either find a way to start supporting the hobbies and activities he enjoys or he will leave, in search of another meal ticket.
- Break up with your partner if he won’t negotiate with you. Attempt to have a heart-to-heart discussion about the division of incomes, and express to your partner your concerns and resentful attitudes. If your partner refuses to listen or tells you he will not cooperate, break up with him. You’ve given him an opportunity to change, including a chance to collaborate to find a solution you both can be happy with. A partner who disrespects you so much that he feels you should support him is not someone you can have a healthy, prosperous relationship with. He is only using you for his own gain, and failing to commiserate with your concerns means he really doesn’t care about your feelings — he’s not someone you should waste your time on.
- Offer to employ your partner through your escorting career. Every escort can profit from having a driver and a security partner. If your significant other doesn’t have a job, working with you to ensure your safety should be something he has time for and is concerned about. Even if he doesn’t have experience in the field, you can give him instructions that will prepare him for helping you. Other jobs he could help you with might include photographer, web master, business manager or marketing manager. (NOT pimp!!!) And, while you may not actually pay him for his services (but, you could), you will be gaining profit from not having to hire someone else to work for you. Just make sure that your significant other takes the job seriously, or it could negatively impact your reputation.
- Establish consequences if your significant other slides back into his old ways. Lay out your plans for how you will react if he doesn’t follow through with your requests and his own promises. Whether that means you will find him a job, stop paying for expenses or throw him out, it doesn’t matter. Just make sure that you have some clear, defined repercussions for him if he fails to live up to the expectations you established. Knowing that you will follow through with negative actions should help your partner stay on track and remain motivated for positive change.
- Avoid falling for emotional ploys. Once your partner sees that his cushy way of life may be disappearing, he may implement ridiculous actions to get you to change your mind or soften up on him. Significant others have been known to issue suicide threats, attempt manipulation, try intimidation, employ con jobs, create put-offs and delays and use excuses of helplessness and worthlessness in order to gain extra time or convince you to change your mind about your ultimatums. Escorts are good at reading people and relying on their guts to determine whether they are being lied to. Use your instincts to determine if your partner is trying to emotionally play you. If he is, don’t stand for it. But, don’t be surprised if your significant other profusely denies faking an emotional ploy. He may be so accustomed to doing it, he won’t even realize what he’s done.
- Be aware that you allowed your partner’s overdependence to occur. Regardless of what the circumstances were, you tolerated the behavior and the situation. Don’t blame yourself; but, do take action in the future to avoid similar situations. Awareness is key to protecting yourself and attracting healthy, positive partners. Ensure that you will not be taken advantage of or disrespected again by knowing your boundaries and being too generous on your part.
- Skip blame. Of course, by expecting you to pay all the bills and support her, your partner has acted with a sense of entitlement and disrespect. But blaming her for taking advantage of you isn’t going to do anyone any good. If you and she decide to stick it out and cooperate to find solutions you both can be happy with, placing blame on each other will negate any positive actions you both take. Chalk up the experience to a life lesson and be determined to move forward, never to repeat the behavior again.